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| Watch for Ralph Nader's new book, "Unsafe at Any Speed: The Designed-In Dangers of the American Luggomobile." |
This one made me LOL; it was so outrageous. Rideable luggage - that's right, suitcases that can move at up to 13 km/h with a rider on board.
You can even get kid's versions for 18 months and up.
''It's faster than walking'', the promotional material claims, but do we need to go faster, when all we really need is more slower?
But are these "luggicles" actually as "smart" as advertised?
Not when people are riding them recklessly on sidewalks and streets, terrorizing locals as they zip around town on their wheeled stuff holders.
''It's faster than walking'', the promotional material claims, but do we need to go faster, when all we really need is more slower?
But are these "luggicles" actually as "smart" as advertised?
Not when people are riding them recklessly on sidewalks and streets, terrorizing locals as they zip around town on their wheeled stuff holders.
And it will get even dumber. Because that's what we do when we have nothing better to do.
Soon, we'll have monster rideable luggage for the rugged rider - four-wheel drive! Just ride right over that check-in line.
Then, there will be luggage races. I couldn't find any results on that, so innovators, take note! Run them on airport concourses, or out on the runways.
Next, we'll get the first badass rideable luggage gang. What are they rebelling against? Gravitas and fitness, mostly.
Rideable luggage is popular with Gen Z pop stars, and Boomers once called Gen X slackers.
The dumb consumer item industrial complex never fails to introduce new, unnecessary, and frivolous items for our ongoing distraction and destruction.
As Albert Einstein said, "Everything in the Universe seems to have limits - except human stupidity."
I'm sure he wouldn't be caught dead on one of these things.
According to a book of world records, the first person killed by an automobile was Bridget Driscoll (UK), who died when she walked into the path of a car moving at 4 mph (6.4 km/h) during a demonstration ride in London, UK, on August 17, 1896.
6.4 km/h is not even as fast as a piece of rideable luggage.
I wonder who will be the first lucky person to die in a not-so-smart rideable luggage accident?
I couldn't find that in a search, either, but wait for it. Something this dumb is bound to have deadly consequences sooner or later.
Next, we'll get the first badass rideable luggage gang. What are they rebelling against? Gravitas and fitness, mostly.
Rideable luggage is popular with Gen Z pop stars, and Boomers once called Gen X slackers.
The dumb consumer item industrial complex never fails to introduce new, unnecessary, and frivolous items for our ongoing distraction and destruction.
As Albert Einstein said, "Everything in the Universe seems to have limits - except human stupidity."
I'm sure he wouldn't be caught dead on one of these things.
According to a book of world records, the first person killed by an automobile was Bridget Driscoll (UK), who died when she walked into the path of a car moving at 4 mph (6.4 km/h) during a demonstration ride in London, UK, on August 17, 1896.
6.4 km/h is not even as fast as a piece of rideable luggage.
I wonder who will be the first lucky person to die in a not-so-smart rideable luggage accident?
I couldn't find that in a search, either, but wait for it. Something this dumb is bound to have deadly consequences sooner or later.
I thought you were joking. But I Googled it. This exists! Now what I want is a rideable shopping trolley... But with a fixed umbrella. For rainy days.
ReplyDeleteWow. We really have reached peak idiocy. And laziness. I just do not understand the benefit of these. Where are people proposing to ride them exactly?? At the airport I assume...but how is that going to work...do they ride them between gates or out to the car park or....? I feel like the marketing department didn't think this through fully. Good grief.
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